Wallow

I had an all-day training in Indy today. Last night, I decided that I should find some CD's to play on the drive to pass the time and keep me awake during the early morning.

I bought a new-to-me car back in March. It has a CD player! For some reason, I have just now decided to utilize this amenity.

It's been years since I bought CD's. I had to dig in the back of my closet for the box of my favorite CD's from my late teen years. Looking through the box brought back a flood of memories. Many of the songs on those CD's are tied to specific moments. Like most teens, I had some difficult times. The songs helped to pull me through those times. They were played on repeat through my headphones late into the night or they were blasted through the car speakers and sung with tears. It's the good old Bethany Dillon, Casting Crowns, Superchick, and Jeremy Camp kind of stuff. Remembering the songs and the difficult memories, strangely brought me some comfort. I picked out a few CD's and looked forward to listening to them on my drive to Indy. Strangely, I anticipated reliving those difficult times. It brings me comfort to know that I was at once in that low place and, with God's strength, overcame.

This week, I sat with a mother in the only available seat in the house. She admitted to being a hoarder and that the house was very dirty. Sometimes, I get involved with families at work because the home is in such poor condition that it is a health or safety hazard for the children. It's difficult for me to imagine how people live in homes that are infested with bugs, have dog feces all over the floor, and stacks of garbage all throughout the home. Regardless, I have to maintain a level of respect for them and their home. Often, these cases are difficult because the real issues are hidden beneath all of the layers of garbage. The condition of the home is a symptom of a much larger, yet underlying, need.

This mom told me about how ten years ago, she and her husband had a very difficult year. During that year, they experienced major and minor health issues, financial issues, and family issues. It seems like it was indeed an incredibly difficult time. The mom became very emotional as she recounted each setback in surprising detail.

As she was nearing the end of her story, I had to remind myself that these events were crippling, but they happened over ten years ago.

She needs to let go. The past has paralyzed her present.


This morning, I started off to Indy, armed with my CD's. But the CD refused to go into the CD player. Apparently, the CD player in my car does not work. If anyone is familiar with my new-to-me car, that should not come as a surprise. As I kept trying to push that CD into the slot, I felt a nudge to stop and let it go. I felt a nudge to move on.

I wasn't meant to wallow today. Its great to look back on life and see how God has helped me overcome difficult times. But that stuff happened years ago. I need to be experiencing God now, not relying on my past experiences to feel God's presence.