A Throwback and a Shout-out

At one time during its evolution, Facebook had a section on every profile for "notes." I suppose it served as a mini-blog, a space to keep a collection of thoughts and the option to "post" them. Now and then, I utilized the "notes" section, but when I graduated from college there was a push to get rid of most everything from your profile for fear that future employers would not approve. Hence, I deleted my "notes" from my profile.

I hid them away in a Word document for a brighter day.

Here's one that I stumbled upon today, circa 2008.

It’s still here

About a year and a half ago, I asked God to teach me about His love. Perhaps a strange request, but I hadn’t really experienced (or allowed myself to experience) much love in my life. If possible, I desired to somehow grasp and understand a taste of this immense love.

Not long after, God answered that prayer. And it was answered in a big way that I never expected, and it was amazing. But, unfortunately, that’s gone now. And honestly, it has left me heartbroken. Though I may not understand God's purpose in the situation, I’ve learned that even though that is gone, love is not gone.

A couple months ago, every time that I would read the Bible or approach God in prayer, I would cry. And I couldn’t make it through worship in church without tearing up, trying my best to hide the sniffles so as to somehow avoid awkward stares and questions. I didn’t know why I cried; it seemed silly. I didn’t understand why drawing near to God caused me to all of the sudden become ridiculously emotional.

But then one day I got it; I was being hit square in the face with God’s colossal, competent, and life giving love, and I couldn't handle it. It was so big that the only possible response was tears…at my inadequacy, shortcomings, and the overcoming power and grace that is God. So now I welcome that overpowering intimacy and thirstily soak it in.

Today I went to my cousin’s graduation ceremony. Though it may not be the most exciting thing, I always look forward to time spent with my extended family. They’re truly a blessing from God, the most genuine, caring, and accepting people I know. They are amazing, and often I feel unworthy to even be a part of them. Lately, though, when I have been around my cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, I’ve been forced to fight back tears that collect in the corners of my eyes. I didn’t understand why; it's so silly. They're all happy people. But it happened again today. After the ceremony, amidst all the pictures with the graduate, hugs, and questions about life, I was battling those nonsensical tears.

While walking through the parking lot toward the car, I told my mom that being around the family just makes me want to cry. She simply responded, “It’s because they love you.”

Oh yeah. I shoulda known (and when did my mom become so wise??). It’s them reflecting God’s unconditional, perfect love and encompassing me in it. It’s huge; it’s alive; it’s everywhere. And, praise the Lord, despite my mistakes and foolishness, it’s still here.

Funny that I was just realizing that my mom is wise.  And this being Mother's Day, that's where I'd like to camp out.

My mom is incredible. She has somehow managed to do it all. She kept the house clean, raised my brother and I, drove us to all of our activities and events, cooked dinner, and made sure pretty flowers surrounded the house every summer, all while working full time. She's selfless and gracious, kind and generous.


I don't live at my parent's house anymore, and I don't get to see or talk to my mom as much as I used to. I miss it. I feel us crossing that realm of parent and child and becoming friends.

She's is an incredible example that I hope to live up to. Thanks mom.