When You're the Enemy

Today we went to that big church again and attended a Sunday school class. We've been to this particular class several times, but there are about fifty people in the class, and we haven't gotten to know anyone yet. Today, we sat at a different table, hoping to get acquainted with a few people.

The first discussion question posed to our table was about things we have achieved over this past year. The couple to our left announced that over the past year, they have come a long way with the youngest child that they adopted. I asked them where they adopted the children from, excited that I possibly found a point of connection! The wife responded that they were foster parents. I became even more excited; perhaps, we could talk about the experiences we have in common and get to know each other! So I told her that I work for DCS, and I asked them what their names are. They didn't answer. I thought maybe they didn't hear me so I asked again what their names are. The wife glared at the husband, and I understood. They did not want me to know their names. The husband asked me how long I had worked at DCS. I told him that it's been a year and a half. He responded that was around the time they adopted their last child, and he begrudgingly said that the people at my office would know them well. I quickly recanted my excitement and admitted that DCS can be really difficult to work with. The couple was quiet. Then, the wife appeared to force a smile and told me that she would try not to hold it against me.

Suddenly, I felt a strong desire to crawl underneath the table and stay there.

DCS seems to be really good at making enemies out of good people. I've seen it happen too often already. It's frustrating to me because really, we all have the same goal in mind. Foster parents, caseworkers, and the higher-ups of DCS all do what they do for children. They all want children to be safe and with a family. Sometimes, they disagree about how to accomplish this goal, but they all care about children and want what is best.

 So why can't we all just get along? I think there are a couple of reasons. Sometimes, foster parents have misguided expectations. Honestly, foster parenting is difficult and thankless, and they rarely have the opportunity to adopt a child, let alone adopt that perfect baby girl that they all want. State policies are challenging, and sometimes, they simply make no sense. But policy is policy and caseworkers must follow it. Speaking of caseworkers, they are stressed, overworked, and (dare I say it) maybe even incompetent.

As a result, there is a shortage of foster families. It's a problem, but more on that another day. I think I need to research the other Sunday school classes.